i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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His hands were made for my vagina.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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