Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis