im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.