This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that