i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup