no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.