Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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