You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
