from now on my penis is your penis
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
