You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
