Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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