its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
