i just wanna soil my oats bro
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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