I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just sent this text using only my big toe
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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