the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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