I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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