Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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