Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
