I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
