We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
