im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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