I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
