Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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