do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
