but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
