I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
