just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
