UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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