We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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