Will you blow on my dice?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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