its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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