He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize