I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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