How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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