her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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