I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize