I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
