; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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