I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
