Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize