I will die if light touches me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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