a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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