I feel great
I just peed on a car
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
