we have pet lesbian snakes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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