So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
