apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
