I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
