you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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