And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
