omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
