Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
