this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize