Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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