Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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