Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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