the condom got lost in my hair
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
