And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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