Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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