i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I need to align my fucking chakras
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize