i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
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NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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