Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
